As a father and as a man, I am a 'fixer'. Many times Mandy will come home with a problem from the studio or with life in general and I have to ask her 'do you want me to simply sit here and listen or do you want me to fix it because that's what I do'. The bathroom sink overflows, I fix it. The washer doesn't work, I fix it. The rain gutter leaks, I fix it. I have a problem with a co-worker, I fix it. That's just what I do, it's how I'm wired. So, when a doctor says he can't instantly fix my son, I don't know how to handle that-it's against my nature and I'm pretty stubborn too so I don't take no for and answer very well. But for as much as I have beat my head against the wall the last week, wondering why we treat this type of brain stem tumor the same way for the last 30 years, I realize that I cannot personally do ANYTHING to fix my son. It is fully beyond my control to reach inside his head and rip that alien growth out of his brain stem and it is easy to give into the feelings of hopelessness and despair. However, over the last week, I've come to realize (more so than any other period in my life) that God is in control of this life. As I weep for Dylan, I know that Father in Heaven weeps as well for he is his Dylan too (and was so before he was sent to me).
Many people have asked over my life how I can believe in a God that would allow such terrible things to happen to such innocent children. My answer is this: It is part of the human experience that we all signed up for (although I'm convinced we didn't know all the details or severity of pain involved). Sometimes good things happen to bad people and vice versa, that is part of life. As soon as we learn the true relationship in which we stand toward God (namely, God is our Father and we are his children), then at once prayer becomes natural and instinctive on our part (Matt 7:7-11). And yet, it is not a case of always getting what we want but bringing the will of father and the will of the child into correspondence When I was in high school, had I aligned my will with that of my earthly father, how many mistakes could I have averted? (trust me there were many) Now is the same with my Heavenly Father. The object of prayer is not to change the will of God, but to secure for ourselves and for others blessings that God is already willing to grant, but that are made conditional on our asking for them. Blessings require some work or effort on our part before we obtain them. Prayer is a form of work, and is an appointed means to obtaining the highest of blessings. (gospel Library). Do I believe in miracles? Yes, I do. I have seen many in the last week. Am I prepared to face the future with God at my side for support and guidance? More so than any other period in my life! And I wouldn't trade the peace and love I feel for my savior, my God and my family now for the bitterness and anger that others feel about these types of tragedy for anything in this world or the next.
So, I can't fix this. I can merely place my faith and my son in a Heavenly Father's loving arms that loves us and cares for us deeply and I'm sure at times he must hide himself in the corners of the universe to hide his pain for the children that he so loves so dearly here on earth. I must turn him over to the ultimate 'Fix It Man'.I have lost others before and I will lose others after this and through it all, one constant remains: My faith in the plan of salvation and the truths contained therein. Needless to say my priorities have changed the last week and if I could ask anything of those reading this blog, it would be that we be a little kinder to one another, we forgive one another a little quicker and in the immortal words of the greatest mother I know (my own) 'if if matters a 100 years from now then it matters now' Hug you kids, tell them you love them. Forget about the 'art work' on the wall and the mess down the hall or in the bedroom. Man was created to have joy and I can only hope to one day 'pay it forward' to the throngs of people that have literally come out of the woodwork to offer support and love for my family. It was never promised to be easy, only worth it. And this life is So worth it and I am thankful everyday that I get to spend it with my loving wife, children, family and dear friends.